The
2004 AFFAs
Best Documentary
Page 4
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| SPELLBOUND - The third nominee for Best Documentary |
NICK BROOMFIELD comes out and takes over at the podium.
BROOMFIELD
(English accent)
Good evening. Let's reflect on documentaries for a moment. Documentarians ask great questions, and they do not rest until they get the unvarnished, uncompromising truth. They ask great questions like the one Andrew Jarecki poses in CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS: When does the vicious circle of child abuse ever end?
(pauses for effect)
Great questions like the one posed by McNamara in FOG OF WAR: How many wrongs does it take to make a right?
Broomfield pauses. The audience leans forward in anticipation.
BROOMFIELD
And great questions like the one posed by young Harry Altman in SPELLBOUND, in which director Jeff Blitz follows the lives of eight kids as they compete to win the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee.
The lights dim and a screen descends behind Broomfield. Footage from SPELLBOUND appears. HARRY ALTMAN, a kid with a mouth full of braces talks to the camera. He is utterly incapable of sitting still.
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| Harry Altman asks the Big Questions. |
HARRY
(staccato sing-song voice)
Does… thisss… sounnnd… like… a… mu-si-calll robot?
The lights come back up and Broomfield triumphantly resumes speaking.
BROOMFIELD
Does this sound like a musical robot, ladies and gentlemen! Yes, when little Harry asked that question, I knew I had to have the answer. But I thought to myself, what are these musical robots? Where do the come from? Even now, are they planning to take over the world? I had to know. And so, I picked up my camera and went immediately to the source of the question—the Altman family.
(pauses)
Unfortunately, the Altman family wasn't seeing visitors, so I had to settle for Harry's cousin thrice removed, Lisa Mathers. She turned out not to be home, so I visited Tina Yothers instead, whose name sounds very similar.
Lights down, more footage on the screen. TINA YOTHERS appears, weighing at least 200 pounds more than she did during her FAMILY TIES days.
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| Nick Broomfield is all smiles at the AFFAs. |
TINA YOTHERS
Are you out of your mind? I don't know! Musical robots? Maybe Mattel makes some. Why are you asking me this?? Hasn't my career suffered enough?
(shaking fist at sky)
Damn you, Broomfield!!
Lights back up.
BROOMFIELD
Mattel, ladies and gentlemen. Mattel. Of course. Who could be behind the musical robots if not the largest toy conglomerate in America? With my camera crew, I staked out their corporate headquarters for three weeks days, keeping it under careful surveillance. During that time we discerned that the facility could be most easily entered by walking through the main entrance during business hours.
(beat)
Unfortunately, we failed in our attempted. Therefore, I interviewed the security guard.
Lights down, more footage.
BROOMFIELD (O.C.)
Does Mattel in fact make a musical robot? What does it sound like? Is Mattel going to use them to take over the world?SECURITY GUARD #1
Oh, I could tell you about musical robots. Yes I could. They think I don't know, but I do. Yes, indeedy. There's some crazy shit going down with them musical robots. You mark my words.
SECURITY GUARD #2 exits the building and approaches, full of aggression.
SECURITY GUARD #2
What are you, deaf?? I tole you to git! Git on now!
Lights up.
BROOMFIELD
I had been there nearly a month, and yet I had no answer. But what I did have was over 3400 hours of footage. You can expect my hard-hitting investigation in theaters later this year. Thank you.
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