The
2004 AFFAs
Best Documentary
CARLO walks out onto the stage and up to the podium. He clears his throat.
CARLO
Ladies and gentlemen, in view of the Carlo and Donaldo Kaufman debacle at the last AFFAs, I have turned over presentation duties this year to our very own AFFA documentarian, Marty DiBergi.
Carlo steps away from the podium as MARTI DIBERGI steps onto the stage. He is holding a digital video camera on his shoulder. He is shooting Carlo.
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| Marti DiBergi, official documentarian of the AFFAs. |
CARLO
Marti, put down the camera.DIBERGI
Oh right.
DiBergi lays the camera on the floor and positions himself behind the podium.
DIBERGI
Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?
(beat)
Wow. Wowwowwow.
(beat, deep breath)
I can't tell you what a privilege and honor it was when Thief called to ask me to document these AFFAs. At the time, I was shooting the Junior Municipal Bowling League Championships in Dubuque, and it took all my willpower to keep myself from dropping everything and racing over here.
DiBergi chuckles and surveys the room.
DIBERGI (CON'T)
Wow, so many famous people. I gotta tell you, this still isn't real to me, not only being asked to make a record of the greatest awards ceremony after the Oscars, but to present as well? It's overwhelming. Overwhelming!
(beat)
But, I know, no time to waste, you have a snappy program this year. Let's move on to the documentaries.
(reading from cue cards)
We have a special treat tonight. We have asked three leading documentarians to assist me tonight by saying something about each of the nominees. First we have two of tonight's nominees for Breakthrough Filmmakers, Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini, who combined documentary techniques with fictional storytelling to bring us AMERICAN SPLENDOR.
DiBergi stops, confused. He looks around for Carlo.
DIBERGI (CON'T)
Wait, are you saying I'm not a leading documentarian?CARLO
I asked you to MC this category, didn't I? Get off the stage now. Take your videocamera.
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